On a Dark and Stormy Night
Well, technically it wasn't storming, but how else to start a story but with a cliche? It seems like all I'm doing is telling stories from my past now. Perhaps because my life right now consists mainly of staying home, reading, and fiddling around on the computer. My friend Jennifer alluded to an infamous Copy Machine theory. When explained to various people, The Copy Machine Theory has been awarded some of the strangest looks I've ever seen. So take a trip with me down memory lane... (insert the dream sequences wavy thing they have on TV):
(Setting the scene. Darrett, Jennifer, and a host of other people are working in Hamilton Library. Darrett is about to start on his Copy Machine run, i.e. go to see if the copy machines have paper and if there are any copiers that have jams. Jennifer is about to do a headcount run, i.e. go and count everyone in the library; kind of a silly job, but it beats shelving. Night. Enter Darrett)
Darrett: (swinging copy keys) Hey Jennifer, come around with me.
Jennifer: What?
Darrett: (conspiratory whisper) It'll take you longer so you won't have to shelf-read books.
Jennifer: (ponders) Ok.
(The two compatriots shuffle off throughout the library servicing copiers and counting people's heads)
Darrett: (slamming the door of the copy machine on 1st floor) Damn. These copy machines in here are always broken. They always have jams, and look at all the paper on the floor!
Jennifer: (thoughtful pose)
(They trot off to more copiers. On the third floor...)
Darrett: (patting the copy machine fondly) There you go baby, all fixed.
Jennifer: (looks at Darrett strangely)
Darrett: What? They're my babies.
Jennifer: Do you realize that there are two different kinds of copiers? (ed. note: now they are more uniform, back in the old days, Hamilton had two sets of copy machines...) There are the ones with the external paper loaders and the one with the internal paper loaders. External and internal parts. (thoughtful expression) Hey, male and female copy machines!
Darrett: Never thought of that. Hmmmmmmmm....I wonder if that is why there are so many jams on the first floor. Those two copy machines in there are male. With all that white paper floating around all the time. I wonder if they're getting confused. No wonder they're jamming. But what about the female copy machine on the 4th floor that always jams.
Jennifer: (mysterious look) I don't want to know what that one is doing...
Darrett: She must like it rough...
Jennifer: (pause)
Darrett: (pause)
(Roars of laughter. Co-worker Ty passes by. Copy Machine Theory of Jams is explained to him.)
Ty: (strange look at Jennifer and Darrett) You two are weird.
Darrett: It was Jennifer's idea!
Jennifer: Was not. (points at Darrett) It's his.
The Copy Machine Theory was explained to others. Interestingly enough, it does make certain sense, at least to those working there. It doesn't sound as funny on paper, but at 10:30 pm when you've worked for about 5-6 hours at a library shelving books and talking with insane students trying desperately to find a book to write a paper that's due in 7 hours...you crack! I think that Jennifer and I just look at things in a different manner. There are other stories in my arsenal, some that will never be published to protect the innocent. Something like, well, *drum roll and scary music) The Monkey Story involving my poor friend Valerie.
I wish I had something else of value to post. I don't have pets like Jennifer, nor am I taking summer school like Carrier. Nor do I have a creative mind or interesting perspectives like Theseus51. My day basically consisted of playing with blogspot's templates, singing along with the muppets, playing tennis, and the brief nap. See what happens when you're on vacation? Your brain turns to mush.
(Setting the scene. Darrett, Jennifer, and a host of other people are working in Hamilton Library. Darrett is about to start on his Copy Machine run, i.e. go to see if the copy machines have paper and if there are any copiers that have jams. Jennifer is about to do a headcount run, i.e. go and count everyone in the library; kind of a silly job, but it beats shelving. Night. Enter Darrett)
Darrett: (swinging copy keys) Hey Jennifer, come around with me.
Jennifer: What?
Darrett: (conspiratory whisper) It'll take you longer so you won't have to shelf-read books.
Jennifer: (ponders) Ok.
(The two compatriots shuffle off throughout the library servicing copiers and counting people's heads)
Darrett: (slamming the door of the copy machine on 1st floor) Damn. These copy machines in here are always broken. They always have jams, and look at all the paper on the floor!
Jennifer: (thoughtful pose)
(They trot off to more copiers. On the third floor...)
Darrett: (patting the copy machine fondly) There you go baby, all fixed.
Jennifer: (looks at Darrett strangely)
Darrett: What? They're my babies.
Jennifer: Do you realize that there are two different kinds of copiers? (ed. note: now they are more uniform, back in the old days, Hamilton had two sets of copy machines...) There are the ones with the external paper loaders and the one with the internal paper loaders. External and internal parts. (thoughtful expression) Hey, male and female copy machines!
Darrett: Never thought of that. Hmmmmmmmm....I wonder if that is why there are so many jams on the first floor. Those two copy machines in there are male. With all that white paper floating around all the time. I wonder if they're getting confused. No wonder they're jamming. But what about the female copy machine on the 4th floor that always jams.
Jennifer: (mysterious look) I don't want to know what that one is doing...
Darrett: She must like it rough...
Jennifer: (pause)
Darrett: (pause)
(Roars of laughter. Co-worker Ty passes by. Copy Machine Theory of Jams is explained to him.)
Ty: (strange look at Jennifer and Darrett) You two are weird.
Darrett: It was Jennifer's idea!
Jennifer: Was not. (points at Darrett) It's his.
The Copy Machine Theory was explained to others. Interestingly enough, it does make certain sense, at least to those working there. It doesn't sound as funny on paper, but at 10:30 pm when you've worked for about 5-6 hours at a library shelving books and talking with insane students trying desperately to find a book to write a paper that's due in 7 hours...you crack! I think that Jennifer and I just look at things in a different manner. There are other stories in my arsenal, some that will never be published to protect the innocent. Something like, well, *drum roll and scary music) The Monkey Story involving my poor friend Valerie.
I wish I had something else of value to post. I don't have pets like Jennifer, nor am I taking summer school like Carrier. Nor do I have a creative mind or interesting perspectives like Theseus51. My day basically consisted of playing with blogspot's templates, singing along with the muppets, playing tennis, and the brief nap. See what happens when you're on vacation? Your brain turns to mush.
posted by Darrett @ 6:32 AM
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